Throughout the years I have done personality profiles, character trait surveys and leadership style questionnaires, mostly for professional development purposes. As I sit here at my laptop I can tell you that I'm borderline extrovert/introvert (which may surprise some of you). I am intuitive, I am a thinker rather than a feeler and I make decisions based on potential outcomes that are rationally based. I am analytical and as such, I am always looking for a better way of doing things, a more efficient way of doing things or a more simple way of doing things. My leadership style is that of the supportive encourager, yet for myself, I am driven by the desire to always give my best and to make my best even better next time.
I'm sure that all of these things can be traced back to my childhood and various needs that were either met too fully or not fully enough. Either way, I am happy to blame my parents ;)
These are all good things to know, helpful things that enrich my understanding of myself and the way that I interact with the people around me. But they lack something. They are incomplete. I am more than the sum of these attributes and my life isn't programmed by them. And that's where it gets uncomfortable.
Today I find myself in a place where I'm spending way too much time with people for my liking. It's not that I don't like the people I'm spending time with - some of them are my family! But it's like chocolate - have to much and you really can't stomach another piece. I'm out of my comfort zone.
People in my community have been here for generations. It's a mining town and the people here are solid and dependable, some might even say stoic. But the world is changing and we must either change with it or be deemed irrelevant by it. The social issues I see around me are a direct result of this change. The industry is adapting with new technology, the jobs aren't here and people are lost for inspiration. As a church we have an opportunity to speak into this in a positive and powerful way - not only with the hope of spiritual restoration and renewal but with a hope for justice, healing and freedom in a practical sense.
To do this requires people who are willing to risk, who are willing to step outside of a conservative world view and into a lifestyle of openness and inclusiveness. I count myself blessed because I can see where God's leading the people I work alongside and that's wonderful. But we've got a long way to go as a community of faith and patience is not one of my strong points. Slow and steady doesn't sit comfortably with me. It never has and I'm beginning to think it never will. But it doesn't change the fact that at the moment I am called to patience and steadfastness.
Today, I'm learning. Tomorrow I will also be learning, and the day after, and the day after, and hopefully many more days after that! I'm learning that perfection has many different faces. For example, giving a 100% effort is a perfect attempt - even if it isn't 100% successful. I'm learning that my expectations aren't necessarily what's perfect because God has other ideas that I'm often unaware of. I'm learning that it's more important to be in "perfect submission" than it is to be "perfectly aware" of what's going on around me.
It's funny because one of the biblical concepts of perfection is that of completeness, which brings me full circle. None of the attributes I identify in myself are enough. They're interesting to know, but I could try to put them all together to complete the puzzle of me and it would still be an incomplete picture. I will use this knowledge to the best of my ability. But after all is said and done, I will continue to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. I will continue to grow and learn. I will continue to get it right and get it wrong. I will probably continue to be frustrated when things don't fit my preferences. And just as I am asking those to whom and for whom I am responsible, I will continue to be perfectly uncomfortable for Jesus.
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